I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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