Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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