You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
