YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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