I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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