She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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