is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
