wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
