toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I wear drunk well.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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