only you would photoshop your dick
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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