the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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