It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
