i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
