Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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