i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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