I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
