Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
