on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
