turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
