I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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