At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
