I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
