I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He shit in the fireplace
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
