Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
