She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
