You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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