mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
