Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
