how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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