He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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