Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
