I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
