I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
