I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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