i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
