im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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