i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
