My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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