I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
