i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
