have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
