I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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