I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
