so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
