on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i love accidental penises.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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