she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
