It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
