the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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