why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
