I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize